Life Of Navin

Dear Gen. Fonseka,

I'm an Indian writing to you on behalf of a certain section of society that has gotten tired of our government's lack of interest in well... governing. I've heard that you're currently out of a job in Sri Lanka after the whole LTTE hoo hah and the presidential election mumbo jumbo, and have an offer for you. Why don't you get up here to India to tackle a similar situation that's been brewing up in the forests of Jharkhand and a few other neighbouring states?

Well, the basic problem is this... some faggoty pussies have been waging war against the entire nation, while other faggoty pussies in our capital are all being diplomatically dickheaded, and refusing to get rid of the aforementioned faggoty pussies. And the reason being argued is the some of the latter mentioned faggoty pussies believe that the initially mentioned faggoty pussies are innocent tribals who've taken up arms because they have no other alternative.

All of this rings a bell right? Well, yeah, I can see you nodding your head there. Kinda reminds you of the situation in your own Ravana land Sri Lanka doesn't it? I agree that the tribals have problems, but these guys ain't downtrodden tribals! They're just asses who have a great time blowing up police cars with landmines, and taking on dudes from the CRPF in some weird TNA Impact style handicap matches simply because their neighbourhood multiplex isn't screening Kites! And frankly, do they really think that we'll believe them when they say they don't have money for food, but yet manage to brandish equipment that is superior to the army? Well, in case this is a bit too confusing, I've attached a picture with this mail as well, please do check it out.


Oh, and of course there are more similarities. Remember the a*****e you guys had shot through the head? Well, guess what? A new a*****e is in town, and his name is Kishen .... known as Kishenji by the effing news channels who still haven't figured out that the "ji" is just a sign of respect that his moronic followers give him! Wikipedia says his real name is Mallojula Koteswara Rao, but I'd just like to call him Weird-name-fetish guy. Well, this dude is more or less as effed up as that Prabhakaran guy. You see, this guy is the face of the naxalites, but well, his face hasn't ever been shown on TV. Dude has stage fright, I think (much better than anti-Semitism don't U agree?) and always faces away from the camera... but not to worry. Using our latest CID technology, ACP Pradyuman and his team of super-talented agents have managed to flip his photo to reveal his face. Here it is:


Yeah, I know, he's suffered a small flesh wound (we'd all heard of that), but here's what he looks like otherwise (again thanks to ACP Pradyuman's Flesh Addinator 5000 gizmo):


As a added bonus, we've already provided you a head start: We've given the mission a ubercool name! Now that we've taken care of that difficult bit, you can take care of the easy bit of taking out the bad guys!

Okay, I'm convinced that you've made up your mind to come visit the land of the dude who burned down your land many many years ago. So let's talk specifics. Yeah, I know you're kind of in a tight spot with the whole arrest+court martial+Where's a calender when I need one controversies going on, but don't worry, we've already assigned our top lawyers to your case. We'll expedite you from the country, just as soon as we finish erm... working out the kinks (read: Hang Kasab) . Or else we can always hope that Martin Scorsese and/or Woody Allen may come to the rescue. After all you haven't even raped a 13 yr old. All you did was cure a 26 year old gangrene, that certain sections of society wanted to drag along.

Oh, and talking of gangrenes, did I mention Arundhati Roy, whoops, slip of pen, I meant have you heard of naxalite sympathizers? Well, they've been really active on Twitter and FB, churning out pages in support of the downtrodden naxalites. I'm just guessing, but maybe Mr. Kishen has threathened to kill them if they don't, because I frankly see no other logical explanation to educated individuals supporting brazen terrorists. Oh wait a minute, The "e" word is the reason.... I get it now! If you ever have 3 hours to kill (and I literally mean "kill", since that's what you'll want to do after 2 hours or so), then read this article by the grammatically gifted Ms. Roy, where she makes the most extreme use of "may" s and "maybe" s.

We've read all your military tactics, but have somehow been unable to implement them perhaps since the IPL and the world T20 has kept us kinda busy. Anyway, we're all back on track thanks to the true patriot of the nation, Ravindra Jadeja, who showed us which matters are of higher priority. Infact, we were sending over some Ammonium Nitrate to you for your approval, but it seems it got stolen along the way!

I'd have offered you the president post, as an incentive to victory, but I've really grown fond of my own president. She may be a hundred and fifty years old, but she definitely knows how to be awesome! Don't believe me? Check out the attached pic!

And guess what? She's been on a jet as well ....and NOT died of cardiac arrest during the flight! What more could I ask for?


I'm hoping that you accept my offer and get rid of this problem before we again need to disturb some viking dudes from Norway to mediate talks between us and them!

Talk to you soon

Cheers
Navin

P.S. If this helps, Rajapakse Sucks! :)

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• The above post is a work of fiction. Any names other than that of the awesome Mr. Fonseka, Why-isnt-he-dead-yet Kishen, Maybe-coz-this-guy-isnt Kasab, The goddess of small things Ms. Roy, the Viking dudes from Norway, Hollywood's answer to Dev Anand Woody Allen, kickass filmmaker Martin Scorsese, The probably fictional Ravana, conniving bugger Rajapakse and the awesomest guy alive ACP Pradhyuman are purely coincidental.
• All facts mentioned are true, or atleast the truest to my Googling abilities!
• Getting serious, this is a very lame attempt at satirical writing by the author and no sentiments are intentionally harmed ....except if you liked it, in which case it is a well thought out philosophical treatise on the naxalite problems plaguing the Indian state! :)
  

I watched this movie a few months ago called The Bucket List, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson which showed two terminally ill guys going on a wild ride, trying to complete a wishlist of to-do's, before they die. The movie was brilliant, to say the least, and I really connected to it at an emotional level.

The current stage I'm going through in life, there seem to be infinite things to do, and just a little over 2 years (in my case) to do them all! And so, I present the 4th part of my "Stuff I Did This Semester" posts, this time as a bucket list! This is stuff I want to do over the next semester i.e my fifth semester.

Some of this stuff is crazy, some of it is impossible, but most definitely, all of it is awesome!! And I don't really want to have a regular bucket list, so here's how I do it:

I have my Sem 5 bucket list down here, though in an encrypted form (yeah, encryption is indeed one of my fields of interest), and as I complete each task, I'll decrypt that line. Silly, I know, but it's my blog so what I say goes! :P

So here it is:

1. Get Into Hostel...... Finally (Yeah! :) )
   
2. Kcr sn y pybgm qwqrck rm qrpcyk ksqga 24v6 (kw amkn lccbq qmkc pcqr) gl fmqrcj
3. Start actually drawing the comics that I keep thinking of in my head! (The first)
   
4. Ycr Krpygefr Xpmk Lfc Empml (KXLE) zyai ml rpyai!
5. Become GS of the Computer Sciences Student Body, CURSOR (Won Unopposed!)
6. Setup a site for CURSOR (Site ready, but will go live next sem)
7. Organise atleast 1 workshop for the students of CURSOR (1: HTML/CSS Web Dev 2: Intro to RoR)
   
8. Go on atleast 2 wildlife treks. (1: To Tambdi Surla Waterfalls 2: Mollem to Collem)
9. Post atleast 1 post on LoN every month (Done with ease! :) )
   
10. Read atleast one complete technical book and two complete non-technical ones (Check Readernaut)
    
11. Tsgjb yrjcyqr mlc pmzmr.. qmkcrfgle A'tc zccl nsrrgle yqgbc dmp dyp rmm jmle
12. Deliver a legen...wait for it...dary speech (A motivational speech delivered to juniors, which apparently got them high on adrenaline! :))
13. Opgrc y SA zyqcb afcqq npmepyk
14. Convince atleast 5 Windows people to try a Linux distro (On last count: 9)
    
15. Argue with a teacher... and get him/her to admit he/she is wrong (An argument with my DBMS teacher on 27/08/2010 regarding my project,at the end of which she finally let me have it my way! :))
    
16. Get a girl...or atleast ask one out! :) (Really awesome story... wait for the blogpost! )
    
17. Dcypl yrjcyqr rfc zyqgaq md mlc glqrpskclr (Lfgq gq ufcpc A pcyjjw lccb fcjn)
18. Go without bathing for 3 consecutive days(Won't say when, but yeah, it happened!)
19. Watch atleast one complete TV series (Took the easy way out: Watched all 3 Seasons of The IT Crowd ...can't wait for Season 4 to start airing!)
    
20. Umknjcrc yjj rfc yzmtc ryqiq zw rfc clb md rfc qckcqrcp!!
    

Phew! That's quite a long bucket list, and covers diverse fields of interest. But as Chef from South Park rightly put it: There's a time and place for everything. It's called College!

I'm hoping that I'll be able to complete most, if not all the tasks on this bucket list by November 2010!

Wish me luck, and keep checking back for the tasks I've completed!

P.S. Incase you're wondering about the encryption, it's a pretty simple piece of code that I've myself written (in C++) out of boredom... here's a screenshot of the program at work on the blogpost!

You can try decrypting the text yourself if you like, it's not really all that difficult! :)

Oh yeah, and the "Stuff I Did This Semester" post for this semester (4th) will be out soon!

Related Posts:
Stuff I did this semester (Sem 1)
This Semester... (Sem 2)
S4TD -Sorry For The Delay!! (Sem 3)